


I do

by catpower



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/947837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catpower/pseuds/catpower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry and Zayn have always been together, at least it feels like it. But sometimes one person's feelings are stronger than the other's.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I do

I straighten my suit and open the door. There he is, the love of my life. He looks up and smiles nervously. He ‘s as handsome as ever. His hair still soft and dark, his eyes still brown, his lips still rosy and plump, his cheekbones still sharp. He’s still Zayn. But he’s not _my_ Zayn anymore.

 

 

I remember the first time he told me he loved me. We were laying on the ground in his grandmother’s garden. Holding hands, picking flowers and giggling like ten year olds. We were both drunk with love and happiness. We had never felt anything like that before. It was good. Maybe even too good to be true.

He rolled onto me, laughter pouring out of him. He was so happy. His eyes were twinkling and I was laughing with them. I felt the weight and warmth of his body. Suddenly he stopped laughing and stared at me in silence. I stared back. I didn’t want this moment to go. I lifted a hand and traced a finger down his jaw line, his eyelids, his nose, his lips which parted under my touch. He closed his eyes for a few seconds and when he opened them I knew what he was going to say.

“I love you.” His voice was like honey. He laughed again and kissed me hard and passionately.

“I love you.” I whispered and we both laughed and kissed and loved until the end of the day.

 

 

“How are you?” I say, sitting next to him and reaching to help him with his bowtie. My fingers lightly brush his neck and he springs up as if afraid of my touch. My fingers are burning. He knows he’s hurt me worse than anyone else before.

“Sometimes I get a feeling that this is all wrong” he whispered into the dark. I wiggled my hand from under the duvet and searched for his hand. I squeezed lightly. He squeezed back. “Like this is not how it’s supposed to be. Whenever I’m with you, everything’s alright. But then I go out and it’s not.”

His words hurt me but I didn’t say anything. We were just laying there, silent, fighting our own thoughts. A voice in my head told me that something wrong was coming but I pushed it away. It was too late to back out anyway. I was, and still am, too deeply in love with him to let go.

 

 

“I’m alright.” He shrugs and adjusts the bowtie himself. He turns away from me to look at himself in the mirror, or maybe to hide his shame. I admire the back of his head, the fluffy hair I used to love to tangle my fingers in, the soft skin at the nape of his neck I used to kiss.

 

 

One day it all just stopped. I woke up and he wasn’t there. I tussled around the house looking for a note, called him hundreds and hundreds of times, but there was no sight of him. I knew something was wrong, I could feel it inside, and the silence was killing me. Three and a half days later I saw him on the street, holding someone else’s hand.

 

 

“Are you sure?” I finally ask the question I’ve been wanting to ask for ages. He turns back to me and I try to decipher his eyes. Maybe there’s anger because of the question. Maybe he’s tired of everyone questioning his decisions. Maybe he’s sad because he will never have with her what he had with me.

 

 

The word rang in my head. _Engagement, engagement, engagement._ Nothing had ever sounded so wrong. I looked at him, confused and hurt. _Maybe it’s just some sick joke?_ But Zayn nodded his head and then shrugged lightly. My heart dropped. _How? When? Why?_ He couldn’t be doing this. It didn’t make sense. It had always been the two of us, Zayn and Harry, Harry and Zayn. Everybody knew but nobody knew. We were good, we were together, nothing could go wrong when we had each other. No one could ever pull us apart. _Not her._

 

 

“Yes, I’m sure Harry. I’m marrying her.” He says drily. His words hurt. He has no more love for me. It’s funny cause it’s almost as if there was never anything between us. But I still remember the taste of his lips in the morning. “I’m sorry.“

“Don’t say that.” I say quietly and I grab his hand. For a millisecond everything is as it used to, Zayn and Harry, Harry and Zayn. His eyes change and there’s life again, there’s love. I feel a funny tickling in my stomach. But then he pulls his hand  away and poof, everything’s gone. He looks at his shoes. _We could’ve had so much._ _But you chose the easy way._ I let out a tiny laugh. “I know you’re not.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I yelled at him, all the grief and sadness pouring out of me, I couldn’t stop it. “Why did you think this was okay to just run off and get engaged to someone else two months later?”

“Harry, calm down.” He said, surprised by my reaction. What was he expecting? A friendly hug? A handshake? A congratulations card? “This is not how you think it is.”

“How is it then? Please tell me, because I don’t understand.” My voice broke. I sat down, rubbing my eyes, trying to breathe. I couldn’t feel the floor underneath me anymore. The sofa sunk in slightly when he perched himself on the other side. He tried to wrap his arm around me, or pat me on my back, but I shook his hand off. I didn’t want him to touch me.

 

 

The sounds of the wedding march are louder than they should be. They fill my head, reminding me of what could be, forcing images into my head. It’s me walking down the aisle. It’s me he’s waiting for. It’s me he’s looking at with warmth and love in his eyes. It’s my hand he grabs and squeezes. It’s me he smiles at. But with a blink it all goes away. I’m here again, on the cold bench, watching the love of my life holding a hand of someone else.

 

 

“Didn’t it mean anything to you?”

“It wasn’t right, Harry. I’m sorry.”

That was all he said to me. I wish it was as easy for me as it was for him.

 

 

Our eyes meet for the last time. I turn my head slowly. Left. Right. _You don’t, you don’t, you don’t._ He turns away.

“I do.”

So that’s what it feels like when your whole world falls apart.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever one-shot. At least the first finished one. Thanks for reading, some feedback would be appreciated x


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